I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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