the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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