I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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