just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize