I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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