How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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