is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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