My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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