Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Two words: nipple clamps
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