We got so high we made milksteak
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
God I need to hump something, right now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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