I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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