As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just pee around me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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