my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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