You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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