so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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