my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize