take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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