I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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