saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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