We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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