My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You ruined the universe
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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