Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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