TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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