I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize