He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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