you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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