There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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