Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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