Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Green mimosas i think yes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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