I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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