When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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