You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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