Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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