you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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