What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize