You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize