Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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