mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize