Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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