Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And then my night got REAL pukey
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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