tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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