Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
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His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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