Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The ass gains better be worth it
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