Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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