Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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