Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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