I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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