life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize