hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize