Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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